“This One’s for Wesley”

You may have noticed the hashtag attached to several of our social media posts #ThisOnesForWesley. It has become a common phrase that is used almost on a daily basis in our house. It all started in the weeks following Wesley’s move to heaven. After Wesley’s celebration of life and all of our family returned home, the dust settled forcing us to embrace our new reality. We sat down as a family and made an exhaustive list of all of Wesley’s favorites in life. In the weeks following, we set out on a journey to honor Wesley through experiencing as many things on the list as possible. Thus where #ThisOnesForWesley originated.

 It was incredibly difficult to experience all of those things for the first time without the physical presence of Wesley, but I’m so grateful that we pushed through those difficulties and embraced the emotions that arose because it truly set the tone of how we would choose to grieve. We made a conscious choice not to avoid doing the things that he loved, or shy from the places or moments that reminded us of him, but rather honor him by allowing his memory to flood our minds and try to live a life that he would’ve loved. A life that rings with and holds true to the phrase “This one’s for Wesley”. The paradox of simultaneous joy and sorrow continue in that phrase as we are always equally filled with such joy but also such sadness. It is a paradox that I’m confident will stay with us until we cross over and join our sweet boy in eternal bliss.

August 19^th would’ve been Wesley’s third birthday. To be completely honest, it was a day that we were dreading. As the day drew closer, the heaviness grew stronger. One of the heaviest feelings that was confronting us and continues to confront us is the aspect of time. The further removed we are from the day of Wesley’s move to heaven, the more diminished the memory of his touch feels, and the fainter the memory of his sweet little voice and laughter become. Even all the mundane daily memories of making three kid’s plates at dinner, and loading and unloading three kids in and out of the car, and wrangling three children during worship services feel fuzzier and fuzzier with time. It hurts that Wren and William are growing out of the clothes they wore when Wesley was still here. Its hard that Wren hits new milestones and says new words without Wesley here to have a joyful and proud reaction. These are just the tip of the iceberg of some of the emotions that were weighing heavy on our hearts, however, the love and support that our friends and family showered on us this day brought such comfort to our hearts. So many people participated in our #ThisOnesForWesley day. They joined in a balloon release, or took part in honoring Wesley by doing some of his favorite things, or hugged our necks and joined us in song and worship, sent cards or texts, or prayed on our behalf. Words cannot express the gratitude we have for you all. It meant the world to us for you to honor our sweet baby boy and encourage and support us during a hard time. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.

This past weekend, Chris’s sister, Chrystal, got married. It was a beautiful weekend full of love but also of mixed emotions. Wesley would’ve been the ring bearer… Which makes Chris and I giggle to consider what in the world we would’ve had to do to coerce our shy and timid boy down the aisle. Honestly, it would’ve been his worst nightmare and I’m not completely confident that it would’ve happened lol. Nonetheless, the flood gates of tears opened for us and several family members during the rehearsal when William started walking down clinging tightly to his “Wesley bear”. It was a true #ThisOnesForWesley moment and we were so proud of his bravery and confidence to represent his little brother.

We are confident that nobody uses or says “this one’s for Wesley” as much as William. It is both heartwarming and heartbreaking in the same moment. Ultimately though, it makes us so happy that Wesley’s name is spoken so often in our home regardless of the pain it brings, and his memory will always be embraced throughout our journey in life. Although time continues, and each day removes us farther from his presence here, each day is also one day closer to our perfect reunion in Heaven.

May we all remember the brevity of life. “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” (James 4:14). The bible likens our lives to the fog in the morning. It’s only here for a moment and then dissipates. The fog represents our short temporal nature on this earth, but it doesn’t represent our minds. Don’t let your mind be clouded and unfocused in this life. Don’t let the “cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word” (Matthew 13:22). “Choose this day whom you will serve” (Joshua 24:15) and may we all wholeheartedly strive to “seek first the kingdom of God” (Matthew 6:33).