Graves into Gardens

The Lord has been good to us. Even in our grief, He has poured out His infinite love and comfort and has continued to shower our lives with blessings; both spiritually and physically. We can see those blessings and can say these things all because of one thing. Hope. 

Grieving as one who has hope is what has helped us survive the loss of our sweet son Wesley over the last two years. Clinging to hope has helped lift us up out of the trenches when we experience days or moments of despair. We heard a song a few month back called “Graves into Gardens”. It talks of how God can take bad things that happen in your life and make something beautiful out of it.  Hope has helped us see that God CAN turn graves into gardens. That garden, however, takes constant gardening. 

Tending that garden ultimately all boils down to tending the mind. This is not a foreign concept in scripture. The Bible tells us that “so [a man] thinks in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7.  Tending the garden of the mind means constantly weeding and taking captive over negative thoughts that creep in. (2 Cor 10:5-6). Satan will use grief in your life. He will try to shift your thinking. (For example: Parents aren’t supposed to bury their children. Why me God? My problems and my pain are far greater than other people.  How can I worship a God that would allow this to happen?) Hear us out. It’s not wrong to think/ask these things as you’re processing your grief, but when you allow your mind to live here, it will inevitably bring a place of darkness. Although the loss of a child is extraordinary, unfortunately, it’s ordinary. Nobody is immune to it. We’re not the first to experience the loss of a child and regretfully, we will not be the last. In the Bible, David outlived his son, Job lived longer than his children, and we know that some of you, too, have experienced that same loss (or know somebody close that has). Jesus promised that we would face hardships and challenges in our lives. But He also promised that we can have an abundant life (John 10:10). Both can ring true. We can experience hardships, but we can also have a full and abundant life. Let that sink in. How can you achieve both? This can only come through a renewing of your mind. (Rom 12:1-2). You have to change your mind to change your life. 

Tending the garden of the grave means dwelling on the things that are true, pure, lovely, good and that are worthy of praise. The context there in Philippians 4:8 continues by saying that [when you do these things] “the God of PEACE will be with you.” Holding tightly to hope and all things that are good WILL bring peace. It’s like the hymn “Count your blessings”. Each verse of that song speaks of the difficulties you will endure in life (when you’re discouraged, thinking all is lost, when you’re burdened with a heavy load, when amid the conflict whether great or small). But the chorus says Count your many blessings. Name them one by one. And you will see what God hath done. Shift your thinking. Dwell on the things that are worthy of praise. 

There is so much power in the mind. When you endure challenges, choose to dwell on the sliver of good. Bring your awareness to the people God has put in your life to administer love and support. Focus on how this trial can shape you to be more like Christ. Dwell on how your faith and strength can encourage others to turn to God.  Ultimately, “consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” (Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭18‬). 

Latest Family Update

Our family is doing really well. Our big boy William will be 8 in October and has found a huge passion and love for basketball. Literally eat, sleep and breathe basketball! Seriously. Quiz him on any NBA player and you will be blown away. We’re so proud of the young boy he’s growing into. He loves God and prioritizes worship above everything else. He loves to greet and give hugs and handshakes to the elderly members of our church and has the sweetest servant heart around the home. He is such a good big brother. He helps Wren and loves holding and cuddling on his sweet baby Wrae. I have to catch myself when someone asks how old he is. My grief has him stuck at 5, which is the age he was when Wesley moved to Heaven. I don’t know where time has gone. To be completely honest, the days, months and years seem to blur together but it’s a joy to watch him grow. 

We just celebrated what would have been Wesley’s 5th birthday. No matter the time that passes, the milestones, holidays and big events still bring about a heavy wave of grief where the sadness and loss just feel heightened. We miss him immensely. Our minds never stop wondering and asking what he would be like. (William is confident that he would love basketball and would be spending all day playing with him). I think he’s right. There’s truly no words to describe how our hearts long for him daily. In every mundane life experience. I’m confident that’s a feeling that will never go away (nor do I ever want it to). We are also confident that missing him will only feel like a short while compared to the reunion we will have for all of eternity. 

Wren just turned 3. She officially passed the age that Wesley will always be frozen in. That was tough, but her sweet little personality continues to shine everyday. She LOVES to talk about Wesley. She was only 8 months old when he moved to heaven, however, she speaks about him as if he was here yesterday. I’m grateful that our family has made his name a part of everyday conversation and grateful that her precious voice yells “this one’s for Wesley!” every time we do something fun. She is the girliest little girl and loves her princesses and Barbie’s, playing hair and makeup, and singing princess songs at the top of her lungs. She is so much fun and just makes our hearts swell!

Our Wrae is now 8 months old. She may be our happiest baby yet! She is almost always smiling so big and just exudes the greatest joy! Just like her siblings, she has been on the move early and is very close to taking steps. Wesley was our first to walk at 8.5 months so time will tell if she can match that. Her little crawl always has us laughing. She has refused to ever crawl on her knees so she bear crawls on her hands and feet everywhere she goes. She’s incredibly fast at it (which looks slightly creepy at times)! We call her our little Mowgli (the boy on the jungle book with his booty high in the sky as he crawls). She’s so fun. God knew we needed her bright light and I’m so very grateful for the Wrae of sunshine we have through her. 

Chris and I are still swimming in the ocean of grief but we’re learning to tread the rough waters. One of our deepest prayers is the lyrics to a song that we first heard at a singing at the Cedar Park church of Christ shortly after Wesley’s accident. It’s become one of our favorites. The lyrics are:

Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
and I’ll follow, though I’m worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart’s testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Jesus guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.

Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go –
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne.

As always, we pray that sharing these words can possibly encourage you to persevere with fervent and great hope the hardships we all inevitably endure. One thing that has been made very aware through conversation about grief, is that everyone suffers loss. Whether a sibling, parent, grandparent, spouse, child or grandchild. Whether they were young or old. Whether it was expected or unexpected. You have. And if you haven’t you will. Cling tightly to hope. Tend the garden of the grave and God can and will do great things through your grief.